


Like Salt in the Rain

by Lion_owl



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, Gen, Illusions, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memories, No Dialogue, Other, Post-Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, mostly spoiler-free though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lion_owl/pseuds/Lion_owl
Summary: She's spent days being angry. Now she's just exhausted.
Relationships: The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	Like Salt in the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> > _Cos I drown in your shadow, like salt in the rain,_  
>  _If my fear is tomorrow, your memory’s the fight in my veins_
>> 
>> ~ [”A Deathless Song” by Parkway Drive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXPlTzwCNps&feature=youtu.be)
> 
> Inspired by the same conversation which inspired [“Intangible Hearts” by oswinosgoodsscarf](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201822), which you should 3000% go and read because it is wonderful.
> 
> Thirteen has so much angst going on right now and I just had to go and pile on, I’m so sorry.

_This’ll be it, then,_ she thinks, hoping she’s wrong. _This’ll be the part where they all leave me._

She knows none of them are convinced by what she said. She suspects none of them fully trust her, anymore. And really, she doesn’t think she can blame them.

She’s spent days being angry. Angry about what she saw on Gallifrey; angry about what the Master said; angry about the things she _can’t_ remember, no matter how hard she tries.

Now, she’s just exhausted.

She runs from her friends, runs up the little hexagons to the doorway that leads into the rest of the TARDIS. It doesn’t open for her, but she keeps her back turned: how can she face them?

She closes her eyes and focuses, and leans back against the presence that appears behind her. He wraps his arms around her shoulders, enfolding her in his familiar embrace. She brings her hands up to grip his wrists, to keep him there.

It doesn’t matter that he isn’t really there at all.

She breathes in, out, in, out, in, out.

She thinks he would have exactly the right words to make her feel even a little better, but unfortunately, her own mind doesn’t supply anything, so neither does the trick it is playing on her.

Yet she can’t let him go. She continues to let herself be held by the memory of the love of her lives. One memory she has sworn she will never let herself lose.

She continues to relish the warmth of a strong body that has, outside her bubble of fantasy, long since decayed.

If only she can have him back for this moment, maybe she can go on a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos & comments are always appreciated


End file.
